Of course, I'd say that I don't think I'd like to call myself a loser.
So I guess you could tell, but before judgement starts, let me tell you something.. I do go to a bar alone but NOT to be picked up for some one night stand or whatsoever, and whatever that everybody else thinks it would lead to.
Friday. Yes, my favourite day of the week and I bet yours too. It's the day I could normally do whatever the heck I want because I won't be working the next day, and coz it's my day off. But just last Friday, I had to deal with 10 different kinds of stress all in one day, and I just thought I needed to be alone. I could've gone home, I know, but I knew being alone at home would just mean I'd be on my tiny bed table working on all sorts of stuff (or find work to do)...so I figured, I should probably go out.
I had to sub a class that morning and head to a theatre later that night for a performance that I'd have to make dance review about. The stress I was under that day was so bad, that in the middle of my teaching hours I had to run to the bathroom four floors below from where I was, hide in a cubicle of the ladies room and cry. And after that, try to toughen up because I only had 10 more minutes till I teach my next class. I honestly felt so stupid counting the time left to let my tears out and put my shit together (it was like a scene from a movie lol).
Anyway, I came back to class, finished all the teaching I had to do, and headed to the next thing on my agenda. Later that day, I tried asking out friends to come out and drink with me, but they were all too busy. Then I figured that "whatever, should just probably do this myself", and so I did since I thought all I wanted was to be alone.
Right after watching this contemporary dance performance for some local dance company, I headed to this bar quite close to where my ferry ride back home was (yes, I live in an island far away from the city). I sat at the bar, ordered a glass of gin and tonic, and told myself, "just one drink, and I'll head home". Apparently, we all know that "one drink" is a myth.
I sat at the bar and became friends with the bartender when he found out I was also Filipino so he ended up giving me free drinks. But I pretty much hoped that that wasn't a pity drink.
It was fun speaking to these people who were complete strangers and even met Jackie Chan. I mean his name was Jackie...last name Chan. HAHA! Not the action star Jackie Chan though.
Meanwhile, this guy sitting next to me tried to offer me a drink. But then I guess I was too nice to turn down his offer, so I gave him my usual indecisive "yes". Then there was this other guy near the bar who was desperately seeking attention. It was so annoying I was so close to pretending to not know how to speak English and look dumb AF and give him a very apologetic Asian gesture. But again, I was too nice, I later on turned around and nodded, and gave my most awkward constipated smile....but when he asked for my name, I told him my name was "Ana". I pretended to be super busy when I was just sending a text to one of my friends on how creepy he was and switched back to playing Pacman on my phone (I love Pacman, btw).
Soo....that was creepy.
As I was saying....I go to a bar alone because I want to just sit and not be bothered after a long day of facing the world, trying to deal with three jobs, which don't get me wrong, I do love what I'm doing (yes, all three of them) but there will just always be those times that it could get too much and just want to be left alone.
Also, I don't go to a bar alone and expect something to happen, nor hang around the "pre-rage" kind of a night, with all these ladies coming out with barely any clothes on (*facepalm*) and be surrounded by a troop of fuckboyzzz. It was 8 pm and I'm pretty sure the "hype" of it all wasn't happening yet.
I'd just like to sit by myself, silently people-watching with just me and my drink. Talk decently to people around, and that's it.
I honestly don't understand how there are some women who find it awkward as hell being in a bar by themselves. Like they NEED to be doing something because apparently, it's weird to be just sitting there and looking desperate. It's a shame that they're feeling that way. Like this waitress at a bar I go to nearby my house and she always sees me alone and would always ask me why I'm alone and gives me this pitying look. Ugh. Please.
Maybe I could look lonely at the bar by myself, but my lack of company doesn't mean an invitation---it's a statement.
I'd like to be independent, and I guess I pretty much am now. I work hard (maybe too hard sometimes) and there will be days where all I want to do is be alone in a sea of people. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not trying to totally repel men here, but can't a girl live?! And men, please don't take advantage if you see a woman by herself at a bar.
So as a woman, let me just remind you that it would be great to please draw away your eyes, and keep your credit card(s) away as I honestly would like to be alone. So, as much as I'd love a free drink (who doesn't?!!!), no thank you.