I don’t know why I’m writing this, but all I know is that my brain won’t put me to sleep and the alcohol helps me write, so...
Making a decision is difficult (especially if you’re badass indecisive like me). It’s hard to choose between two things and even harder to trust the conclusion we’ve made, so we try to play safe.
Responding with “I don’t know” doesn’t give us any honour AT ALL. But it’s easy, it’s safe, and who doesn’t like easy and safe? It’s what we say when courage tries to dodge us and buys us time to actually “think” about it so, in the meantime, we just pretend that we “don’t know”.
We say “I don’t know” to the most important things that need an answer to, or even to the smallest things, like….
What do you wanna eat?....”I don’t know..maybe we can get a Chinese takeaway?"
Do you wanna hang out tonight?...”I don’t know, I have work early tomorrow.”
We’re planning a trip to Bali, do you wanna come with?.... “Uhm… I dunno, I need to check my schedule first.”
Even to these…
Do you like him/her?.... “I don’t know man, he/she’s smart and all, but….”
Do you love him/her?....”I don’t know...but we’ve been dating for 3 years” (WTF)
Are you breaking up with me? “*sigh*...I don’t know…”
But everybody keeps on doing it (and by “everybody”, I include myself in this) Like how can we not know what to eat?? I mean, we can’t decide, so why don't we just say..”I can’t decide..” And how can someone not know if they love someone if they’ve been hanging out for the longest goddamn time?! (that was a friend’s answer when I asked him if he loves his GF which he ended up proposing to a month after...)
We say “I don’t know” because we’re scared of judgement. We don’t want the person we give the answer to judge us (which I’m kinda guilty of too). But why do we need to care about what they think?
Whatever happens, and whatever we do there will always be someone to disagree with us..like that hairstyle you got, some may like it and some may think you look like an egg. And so? It’s YOUR hair, YOUR life. Who cares?
So if you answer a question, it’s your opinion and if people disagree...fuck it! At least you’ve said what you felt and you were honest about it.
If you wait too long to actually figure out that “why” that’s screaming at you, man, I’m telling you you’d be dead by then...that, or you could’ve missed a chance of a lifetime and regret it.
Don’t try to be “accepted” and say “I don’t know”, don’t try to stay in people’s good graces.
What you should know is, there is nothing more fulfilling than experiencing real sincerity from yourself----IT FEELS SOOO FUCKING GREAT! IT’S LIBERATING!
We say “I don’t Know” because we think what we feel may change tomorrow, but that sounds arbitrary.
We say “I don’t know” because we’re afraid to tell someone we’re terrified.
We say “I don’t know” because sometimes, we need space.
We say “I don’t know” because we feel pressured to come up with an answer when in reality, all we need is time---time to think about things if it will take us to a good path or not.
But wherever in life or in this world you may be, and no matter how many times you splutter this phrase out in defence to whatever your reason is, know that IT’S OKAY, really.
Take your time, because the moment you accept that you’re afraid and that you actually do know the answer, “I don’t know” will be buried at the back of your head (and your tongue).
So maybe the easiest thing to make you actually “know” is that when you think of something or someone and it makes you smile, then that’s definitely a good thing! For example, “Pizza” “Home” “Family”...or whatever makes you happy.
While in contrary, say, “A 13 day work week” or “35 degrees Celsius in HK” (I wanna throw a shit fit rn).
There, that should probably be an easier way to decide.
If all the cuss words have offended you, I’m sorry but I wrote this drunk while listening to fucking "MC Hammer" at 2 am, but I’m editing this sober (I really am, and I’m NOT an alcoholic, just so you know).
ALSO, I’m not changing anything I’ve said while drunk (except for the technical stuff) as I edit this because I meant it and I know I still do, and I try my best to mean what I say and say what I mean (if that even makes sense or I'm just not sober enough). Another also, is that honesty and creativity are at it's best when there's alcohol in my veins. So, great combo, no? :p
But whatever, I should be sleeping hours ago. Bye!